The Train through Midnight

28th March, 2010 at 12:04 | Posted in Blogging, Finances, Location Independent, Online Business Developer, Personal Development | 3 Comments
Tags: Location Independent, Online Business Developer, Wants/ Needs, Writing

“You know, Caz, you have a stressful life.”

It wasn’t necessarily what Brittany Sims said but the emphasis she placed on the word life. I never looked at the stresses I face daily as a collective but rather elements that make up parts of a whole. Yes, it’s true. I have the hardships of living in Phnom Penh, Cambodia (as apposed to coming for a short fly-by stop-through on route to/from Angkor Wat or being cushioned by a NGO job), then there’s the very serious money problems because the cost of living is surprisingly high and the salary ridiculously but understandably low and on top of that some very severe body pain issues that I’ve always lived with that flare up every now and again.

This all amounts to a lot of stress and worry on a daily basis but it’s not my life. These things are not what my whole life amounts to and I’ve come to realise that it’s really about perspective.

When you take an overnight bus or rail trip the train passes through both day and night, times when we can see the way and not and that’s how I feel about my life. I cannot see this time as anything other than the darkness of midnight because I don’t know where I’m going but I have to trust that the tracks will get me through to dawn.

It’s been a month since I last posted about Location Independent Poverty and nearly two since I stopped working on the Blogging Blueprint series because life in the real world is far more time-consuming than my life online. I’ve not been able to write about what’s been going on, it’s as though the real world created its own writer’s block and as though what happens here isn’t relevant to trying to gain a location independent lifestyle when that’s exactly what it is.

It’s difficult to quantify how much of what happens to me daily is important for anyone else trying to do the same thing to learn. My view of this blog and the growth of the new site has changed dramatically and to be honest my care factor has fallen greatly. I am so far removed from blogging, to social networking and personal branding that I wonder what impact I could possibly have now. Even though I was passionate for what I was working on it has all fallen to the wayside now because survival took the top rank.

There is nothing easy about living independently in Cambodia. Getting a job is difficult, my salary is only $900 a month and my expenses skim very close to that mark! I have never in my life, including my first job, been paid so low. Even though I’m working full time I’m facing the very real reality of trying to get a second job just to get ahead. On top of this I am supporting my professional footballer boyfriend because clubs aren’t signing foreigners.

Would my circumstances be different if Sanni were earning? Undoubtedly, but he’s not and being African with English as his second language means there’s not a lot else he can do here. I cannot blame him but I can blame a country that invites players here and then does nothing to support them. Irrespective of what I want for my life my priority is taking care of what is right in front of me, real issues with real needs.

I need to consider that if I do want an independent lifestyle, and let’s face it, it’s more important now than ever before, then I have to reconsider being an Online Business Developer. There is simply too much to learn and I don’t have the time to do it. I need to focus on what I can do right now. Two things top the list: online sales & online English education. Let’s see how I go.

About these ads